Chapter 2

Why on Earth Did a Man Write this Book?

Many years ago, I was scared that no one would marry me and I would die alone—old and miserable. I was afraid that even if I did get married, I would mess it all up and end up divorced.

Deep down, I was terrified: what if I get married and stay married, but end up unhappy in my marriage? Oh my!

These fears led me on a journey. I flew to Canada to learn from Muhammad Alshareef.[2] Soon after, I got to work alongside my teachers, Yaser Birjas and Megan Wyatt, to design a program for single Muslims in the U.S. and Canada.

That’s when I developed the “10-Step Marriage Roadmap” because, as a single man, I needed to make sense of this confusing jungle of love and marriage.

I used the same roadmap to find my wife—the queen of my heart and the love of my life. I’ve been teaching this for over 10 years.

When I turned 40, one question kept me up at night: If I die now, who will guide my two daughters? That’s why I wrote this book—for my daughters and for you—so that you can navigate the jungle of love and marriage with confidence, whether you get married next year or 10 years from now.

Here’s what’s great about this: I know how men think, because I am a man. I see the good, the bad, and the ugly of being a man. I will tell you straight up if a man is worth your time and consideration for a life-long commitment or not.

You might be thinking: “I’m too young to think about love and marriage right now.”

Okay, at 20, you might be too young to get married, but are you too young to think about love and marriage? Are you too young to prepare for one of the most important decisions of your entire life?

No, you’re not. Just like you are old enough to recruit a co-founder and launch a million-dollar company, you are also old enough to prepare to recruit your future partner-in-life.

Here is a bitter truth your well-intentioned friends and influencers might not tell you:

If you think that you are too young to think about recruiting your future partner-in-life now—in your early 20s—then you might wake up one day and think that you’re too old to even try!

That’s not just my opinion. That’s the reality of many single women in their late 20s and 30s who did not know this:

By age 25, 1 out of 4 single men and by age 30, 1 out of 2 single men are taken off the marriage market. [3]

Does that mean you rush to get married prematurely?

No. That would be a mistake because there is such a thing called getting married too early. It’s one of the many reasons why 1 out of every 3 Muslim marriages end up in a divorce. [4]

On the other hand, you also want to avoid getting married too late. The good news is: there is a middle path—I call it your “Marriage Sweet-Spot,” which means to avoid getting married too early or too late.

Later in the book, you will see a year-by-year breakdown of how long it took me and my wife to find each other—starting from the time we actively entered the marriage market, all the way until our first child. You can use that timeline to figure out your own “Marriage Sweet-Spot,” in shā Allāh.

[2] Muhammad Alshareef founded AlMaghrib Institute. He passed away in 2022.

[3] National Survey of Family Growth (2019). Probability of First Marriage.

[4] Noha Alshugairi (2010) Marital Trends in the American Muslim Community: A Pilot Study, Journal of Muslim Mental Health, 5:3, 256-277, DOI: 10.1080/15564908.2010.551275